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Hi. This is what I hear everyday.
I'm a game student. I study games. That's what I do. (And Yes, It's Pretty Cool.)
And despite the fact that I hear all the time that I'll work at Ubisoft tomorrow, I'm not sure I want to.
Maybe it's just because I'm a stupid child who does the opposite of what people tell him do.
Maybe it's because most of my friends who tried to work in games left their job because it was toxic, because they were working with sexist and racist people.
Maybe because some of my friends who are still working in games are sad ?
Maybe because I'm affraid of the game industry after all I heard. Maybe because just working in any other field and have an adult lifestyle fears me too.
But if I have the privilege of choosing my job, I'd rather choose one where I'm happy rather than one where I make games but am sad.
And if I have to choose a job where I'm sad, I'd rather keep the game making part at home, where I'm happy, and work somewhere else to get money. I don't want to waste my love for games and game making.
Or maybe I do want to work in games.
I don't know.
What I know is why I study games : to understand games better and to make more games. To learn how to make games with people who want to make games.
And I do that.
And it's super cool.
We're all super young, we have no idea what we're doing but it feels good and we learn from that.
But do I need to make a living of that ? Do we need to know if we'll do ?
I'll need money, okay. I'm sure of that.
But do I have to work in games for that ? I don't think so.
If I must have a job to buy food and only to buy food, a job that makes me sad, a job where I hate people I work with, maybe I could just get any other job ?
Maybe I should let my friends in game school who *really* want to work in games for real have my place ?
I know I belong in game schools, because I wanna make better games.
Do I belong in the game industry though ? I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure I want to belong there either.
Some will think that it's pretty normal to be considered as a future game worker when you're in a game school. They're probably right. But sometimes I get tired of it,
I'm tired of asking myself why the school picked me while I'm not sure I want to do what they want me to do. While I told them from the begining I was not sure I'd want that.
Asking myself why they took me instead of someone else if, actually, I don't fit their expectations.
Tired of starting to beleive I will actually work at ubisoft because it feels like the only thing I can do next (and maybe I'll do and it'll be cool. I just don't want to feel like it's my only choice while I could also BAKE AND SELL CAKES FOR A LIVING WHICH WOULD ALSO BE COOL AND POSSIBLE).
So dear game teachers, even if it's not that bad, please consider that I exist and :
Let me make a living of something else, if I want to.
Stop telling me what to do.
Leave me alone.
Making games.
Baking cakes.
Being happy.
Whatever.